Steerer Crisis Cripples Crews!

2^nd September 2005                                         reporter:  Side Line Spy

In a most unusual turn of events the Grizzlies found themselves at training today with not one steerer to lead the crews through their training run on the Lake.

The roll call of missing steerers makes interesting reading.

• Lance “ Bushy “ Richards, regular no1 steerer for the Grizllies, is currently on extended leave in Spain and other points of the Globe warmer than NZ. Believed to be working on an honorary admission to the 100 plus club he has reportedly been seen drinking and eating in the company of Big Al Kindred

• Grizzlie original Rodney “Evens Steven” Evans put in a rare no show- Too cold maybe?

•  Eddie “Godfather” Simpson feigning shoulder injury. Actually swanning off on holiday to the US with “Shelly’ll be right”

• Liam “ Technical Paddling Advisor” Jeory off yet again on a MacDonalds junket. Does he ever do any work?

• Pistol Pete Houghton skiving off under the cover of darkness to go diving ( without Bernie!!!

• Ben “Fine Food” Finau  has not been seen in ages. Rumour is he is now too fat to get in the steerer seat of a canoe these days and will have to do some work in the engine room for a change.

• Dave “ Croaky’ Pritchard obviously so incensed at the unkind remarks in the last Sideline Spy report has not been seen since (although rumours abound that he still drives around with his paddle on full display in his car! Shame!

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The crews were forced to look to their back up steerers and again the cupboard was

Bare.

• Nick” No Show” Lowes again lived up to his new nickname and was absent. No Show showed outstanding steering ability in his one outing but as a committed socialite , maybe No Show was suffering another bout of post prandial distress and couldn’t get out of bed!!!

• “Semi” Colin Anderson who also shows promise as a steerer has again had his paddling career punctuated by absences

• Tim “ The Pom” Parris –Piper who can’t steer at all was also absent. Called back to Blighty urgently, one can only assume it was to join his fellow countrymen in celebrating the fact that an English national sports team has actually won a sporting contest!

• Marty “ The Fly” Fox (who also can’t steer) was also absent. As a newly wed Grizzlie, The Fly is obviously still finding the charms of the Lovely Lisa too hard to resist on a cold morning

• Ed “Winner” Richards, steering supremo, can only still be smarting from having missed selection for the Molokai trip. He is undoubtedly sulking on the sidelines, gaining weight so he can punish those who will have to carry him around after Molokai!!

• Mike” The Muss” Hickson . expatriate Grizzlie found the trip to training a “bridge too far’. Pooftah!

• And Lastly, Charlie “Chopper” Symons declared himself unavailable. Quite rightly incensed at the adoption of “Pakehatime” by the Grizzlies at training, Chopper delivered a well-deserved burst to the tardy few and stormed off. Training on Thursdays is ON THE LAKE AT 5.30!! After training several abashed paddlers were quick to note the profusion of rattles and toys in their way as they picked their shame faced way back to their cars!

So who ended up piloting the crews?

The Whites once again tried out Stevie Wonder Muir as steerer. The crew took off randomly and disappeared into the mist shrouded reaches of Lake Pupuke. There must have been a mutiny on board because when a dizzy and disoriented crew emerged again the Whites had replaced “Wonder” with their go to man” Not on Your Nellie! (Muttered comments were overheard after training that “ Wonder” steered like his namesake – as if he were blind!)

Not on your Nellie soon relished the role and having ceased any attempts to assist the crew by paddling, resorted instead to imprecations to the crew to lift their efforts.  On this one outing there can be no doubt he is a natural for the role! The Whites on rare occasions threatened to go straight and finished training almost having completed four laps.

And the Glorious Golds? Ken “Gorilla” Gilbert in his usual fashion gave nobody else the chance to steer and usurped the role for himself. After a precarious start that almost saw the Golds disappear without him ( and a near face plant into the frigid waters by himself), the Gorilla proved to be surprise package. The crew were astonished that they could go 4 entire laps without hearing a word out of him! He was a picture of grim concentration trying to hold the boat on a straight course in the challenging flat and windless conditions.

The depth of talent in the Grizzlies engine room was on display for all to see and augurs well for the future.